Wednesday, September 2, 2009

No. 19: Sex by Madonna

In the words of the immortal Salt 'N' Pepa, "Let's talk about sex, baby, Let's talk about you and me, Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be..." Ah yes, Gentle Readers, we come to number 19 on our banning list, Sex by Madonna. I only "read" this book once in 1992, right when it was first released. At the risk of spoiling the plot for you, it is full of pictures of naked Madonna. The main thing that stuck with me other than Madonna's desperate need to be Marilyn Monroe, was a weird S&M attachment that one of the men had on his shoe. I still don't know what it was and have lived a long and happy life in my ignorance. (In other words, Gentle Readers, if you know what that crazy shoe thing was, do not tell me.)

Huh. That's kind of all I have to say about naked Madonna.

This book was banned because it is about Madonna's sexual fantasies, which seem to involve her being all kinds of naked with lots of other people. She also defied her would-be original publishers by posing naked with a cross (which they asked her not to do) and with a dog (which they also asked her not to do). Before it's release, she issued some press statements about the book's shocking content because... Now, here's the thing... and pay attention censors because this is not going to change... Madonna is brilliant. Seriously, the woman is crazy smart. She also knows way more about making money than you and me. All the fervor and controversy surrounding the book's release only spurred it to higher sales making her even richer than she already was. When you think about banning Madonna, picture Darth Vader in that scene where Darth tells Luke Skywalker "Strike me down and I will become even more powerful," because that's what Madonna is about to do to you.

At one point, Sex was the highest selling coffee table book of all time. Well played, Madonna.

The people who purchased the book are also laughing all the way to the bank. After two printings in four languages, Sex is now out of print. The only way to own it is to buy someone else's copy. Unopened (the book was packaged in shiny silver baggies) first editions can sell for hundreds of dollars on Ebay and other auction sites. The Japanese version is said to be even more valuable because it was banned almost as soon as it went on sale.

Take this as a lesson censors. Don't tangle with Madonna. Madonna always wins. ...and by the way, she is smarter than you, too.

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